The Medical Trial Diaries

1/2/09 - Day 1 of 19

I read the final few pages of Simon’s diary again today. Something I do occasionally. Simon is my mum’s brother who took a wrong turn on his motorbike down a dead end piste in the middle of the Sahara desert in 1984. I also flip to random pages and enjoy his observations of his surroundings and himself as he rode down through Europe to Africa. Something about the way he wrote stirs an interest in me in the smaller details that surround me – in the characters, interactions, the unusual and the usual.

I’ve blogged sporadically in recent times as I’ve been focused on other things. Focus is often considered a virtue and I suppose it does assist in the achieving specific goals – but excessive focus, bordering on myopic is not so good and is something I am guilty of all too often. When life revolves around the completion of the to-do list in order to achieve a chosen objective it no longer becomes life – but just a process. Undoubtedly the use of singular focus is a useful coping mechanism that I’ve employed, but perhaps instead of focusing on one thing to avoid focusing on another it would be more sustainable, and enjoyable to focus on all things (as far as that is feasible) in order to not focus entirely (but just a little on a broader canvas) on the object of distress.

And with that small shift in outlook I can feel a small shift within as well. The sudden irritability, frustration and anger that has been appearing from nowhere in the last few months now feels a little more distant than it did just yesterday while inspecting potential rental properties.

On the other hand it is much easier to be blasé about life when you’re locked in a comfy little hospital room with nothing but reading and watching movies and sport for the next 18 days – and taking some diabetes pills. That may sound like I’ve come down with a nasty case of something, but in fact I am donating myself to science (not really donating – selling is more accurate, at least my soul is still my property even if my body isn’t for the next 18 days – hmmm how much do souls go for during a financial crisis....?). I have a twin room with a chinese chap from southwest China whom I plan to befriend and then visit during the Chinese leg of our next travels. We have an ensuite, internet, cable TV, PlayStation, regular meals, books, games – and a bunch of blokes hanging out as we go through it. A bit of blood letting and a couple of biopsies is compensated handsomely by the company trialling this new drug. I’ll miss the girls (Heather, mum and Gini) while I’m in here, but I’m allowed to coincide our occasional outings with visitors which is something at least.

The first chap I met was Henry – a very talkative and somewhat eccentric wild eyed fellow from Innisfail – he travels down for these medical trials. Initially I thought he was a bit ‘you know’ touched in the head. But he has grown on me quite quickly with his left of field remarks and tales of fishing jobs off Vancouver Island – and then I discover he is a parasitologist – one of Rob’s main fields under the broader banner of microbiology - and it all clicked.

I have some tennis to watch now and some cricket to ignore.

2/2/09 – Day 2/19

It’s an odd feeling grabbing a large bottle of urine out the fridge before going to the toilet – and then not actually needing to be in the bathroom (although it is still done) because all the urine goes into the bottle along with all previous ‘short calls’ as Aggie calls them, that day.

I have been being a little mischievous with my heart rate measurements. At last ECG my heart rate was 44bpm – a bit slow apparently so they waited three minutes test it again – three minutes of deep breathing and concentrated relaxation later and my heart rate had dropped to 42bpm – must be all that lying around and movie watching.

We were dosed today – about three hours of since dosing and am feeling fine – just very hungry as we’ve had to fast since 10pm last night and can’t eat till midday. The drug is supposed to suppress cortisol production – which should be running rampant in this food deprived state converting proteins and lipids into glucose – so any catabolism will have been reduced but also any lipolysis as well. Am wondering if I’ll be able to last the full 19 days – I keep eyeing the floor thinking of doing pushups, I’ve also been testing the weight bearing capability of the steel bar overhanging my bed which would usually be used to elevate broken limbs – and thoughts of sprinting with my heart pounding or straining to lift a heavy bar have already become regular day dreams. We did get onto the table tennis table yesterday which was fun – Henry is a handy player and we had some exciting rallies.

Heather and Mum are dropping by soon to deliver headphones and network cable so I can get on the internet. Perhaps we might get to go out for a walk this afternoon – maybe I’ll surreptitiously walk on my toes and get a bit of burin in the calves. One of the guys is using this trial to quit smoking – 2 days is the longest he’s been without a cigarette in 10 years. I wonder who will crack first....

Just over an hour till lunch.....

20:14 3/2/09 – Day 3/19

I’ve spent most of the day on the internet looking at various things – mainly journal articles on exercise and nutrition, and also cheap flights to different destinations. I am supposed to be horizontal at the moment in the 5 minutes prior to ECG – so am trying to type in an awkward position. But nothing much else to report. I ate all my salad which was like gnawing on a tree branch, but the pink cheesecake for dessert made up for it.

16:30 5/2/09 – Day 5/19

Yesterday we went to play mini golf across the road. It was almost exactly like stepping out of an airport after 4 days of air-conditioned transit – the heaviness of the humidity in the air and the heat of the sun on my skin was more noticeable than usual. If not an air traveller then I felt like an albino lab mouse brought out into the bright sun. All with our orange wrist bands on people probably ran for cover at the sight of potentially insane inpatients on the loose. In fact this whole experience does feel a little like a voluntary committal to a mental institution. The escape from the outside world was very welcome at the moment and is some forced relaxation time without the pressure of feeling like I should be doing something.

Today we went for a walk to the park and invented a game like tennis using thongs and a rubber ball being hit over some goal posts – with volleyball rules. Good fun. Then home for lunch, another movie, some more table tennis and now some internet time.