What has changed

Yes, two posts in quick succession. What else am I to do when stuck at a computer and bored with work? Going to get introspective, so press your reset button now, quick!

One of the main reasons I keep this blog going is because I like to read back to old posts. Like a diary that I don't have to lug around with me everywhere. It doesn't offer too much about the real monsters lurking in my mind, but you can see a tail poking out from beneath the curtains sometimes.

So, I was reading some old posts just before - mine and Lucas' from the last couple of months in London - March-July 2006, almost 18 months ago. I was suddenly struck with nostalgia. Not necessarily for London, but the freedom and breadth of thought that we shared in those days. That's not to say we were philosophers with unprecedented insight, but in comparison to the humdrum methodicism of my thoughts these days....there is a big gap.

One of the main reasons for this is that I am becoming more of a realist. Something that we are supposed to do as grown ups, be balanced, considered, informed. But really, becoming a realist has meant losing the fire of inspiration that I gained during that 17 months of discussion, debate, discovery and inquiry with Lucas. Nothing turns you into a realist more than academia. No comment can pass without a reference, no opinion without evidence from studies. Sure, it is 'right'. But it feels like a big pile of Lego that people are building ideas out of - rather than an adventure. And what's the point in doing anything if it isn't going to be an adventure?

I want to have a dream that I can mould into a vision, rather than an acceptance of what is possible and to work around that. Perhaps that's the crux of what I'm thinking. Or maybe I'm just sick of writing essays for lecturers to mark.

I've lost my train of thought now. To much reading about the history of solariums. We can thank Coco Chanel for popularising the suntan and causing generations of sunburn, skin cancer and premature ageing. Another achievement for the fashion industry.