One for the record

Well after a week of tossing and turning, feeling the burden of debt and unemployment and isolation in Bury, I have realised something which I thought I ought to write down before I forget (actually two things).

The first is that I want to run my own business - not a startling revelation but something I always forget that I've resolved to do and get stuck in spirals of 'what am I going to do for a career', where every job seems unappealing.

The second one hit me a moment ago as I sit here bursting with energy from being around friends (and it has hit me several times around South America, but I keep forgetting it, hence writing it down now) - actually that has made me realise something else. Hmmm which mind shattering revelation to write about first? I'll start with the one that just hit me and is something that only I would find interesting (because it relates to me - gosh have I got to the stage of psychoanalysing myself in public? Must be the influence of the Iris Murdoch book I just finished - apparently he is a psychologist/psychiatrist, which I found out after finishing the book and explains quite a lot about how it was written. How long can a sentence in brackets last for?). Where was I - the recent thought I just had. Back when I was a young lad (a good start to any auto-analytical [just made that word up - is it real?] babble)...actually I'm getting bored of typing now - in general I have become more of an extrovert (def: one who gets their energy from being around other people). Hence the hysterical feeling I have now after a week of isolation from my friends.

The other thought I had this afternoon revolves more around the 'meaning of life' (I can hear you think 'oh god here we go'). I only say that because I can't quickly imagine another category such a thought might slot into. Anyway - I had been thinking to myself - what is the point of travel and new experiences and money and careers and having children and all those things that we are supposed to do at some stage in our life? If I am the only person benefiting from these experiences what is the point? Some of them aren't even that enjoyable - being stuck in buses for 300+ hours in South America, scraping by with a couple of pounds in my pocket in quiet Bury. Isn't the whole goal of doing all these things to be a happier person? Or to use an economics term - maximise our utility. But what maximises utility? I suppose it depends on the person, but in general (and from scientific studies of brain chemicals related to happiness) the apsect of life that gives people the greatest feeling of lasting happiness are loving relationships - such as those with family, friends and partners. But maybe in order to be able to develop and nurture these sorts of relationships as best we can we need to acquire a whole set of skills (and a belief in ones-self) that allow us to be less selfish and more understanding, thereby creating the capacity to have genuine relationships with people and have that love, trust and support returned.

As you can see I have just been having one of those 'I love the world and everyone and everything in it' afternoons. Hence the drivel, but do remind me of it if I complain about anything.

Anyhoo - the plan for the next couple of weeks is this:

Leeds - London - Paris - London (for Job interview - yay!) - Bury - London (for good)

Have a great week everyone, I miss you all!

ps. this guy has stolen my identity......

http://www.nicholashirst.com